Let’s check in about our “Family Culture”.

Hello All,

I’ve sure been busy as my private practice has changed, so I haven’t had much time to write on this blog.  Many of the families I’m working with are addressing the issue of just what their family culture is, and what it is teaching their children about love, relationships, conflict and responsibility.

In the past I wrote about what I call the “3  Family Rules“.  Let’s all examine just what rules, or “norms” we’ve established in our families and see if they are teaching our kiddos just what we are hoping too.  Just what are the values we are trying to teach our children.   In our family culture are we teaching that hard work and taking responsibility pays off, or are they to be avoided until the last minute?

If we are modeling for our children that getting work done “feels good” and that there is a reward for a “job well done” then they are more likely to follow with that pattern.  If we show them that hard work is grueling and to be avoided until the last minute, then you can bet they will be putting off their homework/chores until the end.

I remember a teen I worked with years ago who talking about putting off her homework after school because she didn’t “feel like doing it”.  I said “Right, because you really feel like doing it later”, which made her laugh.  Just how often do we “feel like” doing our work?  Sometimes yes, but often not.  How we “feel” should not be the determining factor for our actions (yes, I know a therapist is supposed to be all about feelings, but not this one).    I teach my clients and children to “Do what you know, not what you feel”.  More on that soon.

I’ll be addressing these issues and more on this blog in the upcoming weeks.  Please email me: bill@focusedhelp.com if you thoughts, suggestions or questions.

 

“We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence then, is not an act, but a habit.” – Aristotle

William Strong, LCSW

To visit my web-page, to schedule an appointment, or to email me a question, please click here:  Bill Strong, LCSW Denver Therapist.

Please go here for: Therapy Ideas for Adults and Relationships

Thanks!

Bill Strong of Denver

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Professional Response to the Mass Shooting

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This summer is getting away from us! How are the “3 Family Rules” going?

Hi Clients and Readers,

Thanks so much for all of the helpful feedback about my new website.  It’s still a work in progress, so feel free to let me know what you think.

This summer is getting away from us at my home, so my wife and I recently revisited that “3 Family Rules” with our kiddos.

Our 3 Family Rules are:

We Are Kind

We Do Our Jobs

We Are Honest

The above rules all paint a broad brush for a reason.  Most any issue or behavior problem can fit into one of the above.  I like having a lot of latitude as a parent in what my expectations are and in what any forthcoming consequences will be, should that become necessary.  The old “you didn’t tell me that” will happen anyway, so I stick with “you know the rules and it’s up to you to follow them”.  Yes disagreements still happen, but it’s the child’s job to “sit and think” before they act.  If we give them the impression that we will do all the thinking for them, or they get a pass if they can “lawyer up” with a good excuse, we will see MORE limit testing.  Vague rules have a place, and the above ones work if you stick with the general expectations therein.

For instance, look at the rules list below (assuming I can post it correctly) and you’ll see that all of these rules can fit in one of the three listed above.

My point is a simple one (as usual)…stick with general expectations and then apply them to specific situation.  Use rewards and consequences to address the child’s adherence to the household rules.  The above list has “No Shouting or Calling Names”…which is of course under “We are Kind” on my list…”Keep all cloths off your floor”…”We do our Jobs”…”No Hitting” = Kindness, and so on.

On a side note, I really disagree with rule #1.  3 warnings???  Why not 5 or 6?  I’ll post more about this soon.

Go here to read more about the use of rewards and consequences.

Feel free to email me:  bill@strongsolutionsonline.com

I welcome any feedback or suggestions.  I’ll still be blogging my ideas on Children and Families and would love your ideas and participation!

“We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence then, is not an act, but a habit.” – Aristotle

William Strong, LCSW

To visit my web-page, to schedule an appointment, or to email me a question, please click here:  Bill Strong, LCSW Denver Therapist.

Please go here for: Therapy Ideas for Adults and Relationships

Thanks!

Bill Strong of Denver

 

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Hi, more on my new website!

Hi from Bill Strong of Denver,

Thanks for those of you who informed me that my email link on my new website was broken.  It’s fixed and up an running!

I want to thank Michael at 51 blocks for his assistance.   I can’t recommend his services enough.  Thanks Michael!

Feel free to email me:  bill@strongsolutionsonline.com

I welcome any feedback or suggestions.  I’ll still be blogging here my ideas on therapy for adults and relationships.

“We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence then, is not an act, but a habit.” – Aristotle

William Strong, LCSW

To visit my web-page, to schedule an appointment, or to email me a question, please click here:  Bill Strong, LCSW Denver Therapist.

Please go here for: Therapy Ideas Children and Families

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I’m having an Open House on my new Website!!!

Hi Everyone,

I have a new website and would love to hear your feedback.  So I’m having an Open House here!  Please stop by and look it over.  It’s still a bit “under-construction” so please excuse the dust and typos.   Feel free to email me any feedback or thought!

“We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence then, is not an act, but a habit.” – Aristotle

William Strong, LCSW

To visit my web-page, to schedule an appointment, or to email me a question, please click here:  Bill Strong, LCSW Denver Therapist.

Please go here for: Counseling ideas for Children and Families

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Happy Easter! Let’s Healthy Family Gatherings!

Dear Readers,

There was a good article in today’s Denver Post about the do’s and don’t of having a family Easter gathering.  I wanted to make a quick post about family events in general.  In the upcoming months, I’ll be posting several suggestions about our family events can become more fun and bring us closer.

I hope everyone is planning a nice Easter and/spring weekend.  It’s always nice to begin the summer with friends and family.  As parents let’s take some time to recall our fondest childhood memories of family interactions and events and do our best to now provide them for our children.

As far as getting a large group of family members together, my father always said, “Never discuss Politics or Religion”.  Even though my family that liked to debate, we did our best to keep things civil.

My father’s rule applied to social events and I think it’s a good thing to remember during our family events.  Discussing controversial topics among close family/friends is one thing (assuming each individual can do so respectfully)…doing so in a bigger social situation is another.  I was at an event on Monday were a few individual seems to insist on bringing up controversial topics whenever they had a chance.  The group was big enough that I started to wonder if this was an appropriate place for such discussions.  I noticed several individual walk away from the group as these two started another topic, and came to believe that they were making the group as a whole uncomfortable.   I found the behavior that these two were engaged in to be highly provocative and disrespectful to the group, and to the hosts.

I’d like to remind my clients and readers about my father’s advice.   Let’s respect differences by being careful and caring.  Let’s have boundaries that are healthy and respectful.  To read more about boundaries, please go here:  William Strong LCSW Denver Therapist on Boundaries.

I think with some planning and effort, our group events can be fun for us all.  That’s what it’s all about anyway, right?

William Strong

To visit my web-page, to schedule an appointment, or to email me a question, please click here:  William Strong, LCSW Denver Therapist.

Please go here for: Counseling ideas for Children and Families

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A quick reminder!

Hi All,

Bill Strong Denver Therapist here!

I just wanted to write a quick reminder to my readers to get your complete physical for the year.   Work stress continues to be a big topic for the clients in my office and I’ve seen a great deal of benefit from those who are keeping an eye on their physiology.

So, check your BMI, get with your doctor do discuss how you are doing, get your blood checked/Colonoscopy (if you’re over 50 or have a family history of cancer), get a stress treadmill test/electrocardiogram or whatever your doctor thinks is best.  Quit screwing around and loose any weight that you need to.

Treat yourself like you matter!  Or as I say in this blog, treat yourself like a “loved-one”.

Bill Strong Denver

Here is my webpage:  Bill Strong Denver Strong Solutions

William Strong, LCSW

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More on Work Stress…”Re-Program Your Brain”!

Hi All,

Bill Strong Denver Therapist here!

I wanted to write a bit more about work stress on this blog.  Please go here to read my earlier posts on this topic.

I’ve written about the use of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy to create shifts in our thinking and patters.  Such shifts can assist in our workplace stress  and coping strategies.  Go here to read more about Cognitive Behavioral Therapy.

I’ve recently become interested in how Binaural Beats and Isocronic Tones can provide relief from stressful stimuli.  Research has show very positive results from the use of Binaural Beats.  Go here to read more about this topic.

 

Combining the above techniques can really assist in handling work related stress.  Be proactive in your approach to work stress or you’ll find yourself nearing “burn-out”.  A change in your workplace can sometimes be the answer to work-stress, though your ability to cope is something you can change and control!

More later….

Bill Strong Denver

Here is my webpage:  Bill Strong Denver Strong Solutions

William Strong, LCSW

Please go here for: Counseling ideas for Children and Families

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More on Background Checks to Protect our Children

Hi Parents,

Bill Strong Denver Therapist here!

Two weeks ago I wrote a blog about using background checks in the parenting of our children.  Go here to read that blog.

I received many emails about this topic.  One common question asked my opinion on the “who and when” of background checks.  As stated in my previous blog, background checks in the State of Colorado through the CBI site (Colorado Bureau of Investigation) can be done for $6.95.  So the expense is minimal.  Go here for the CBI site.  I posted an example of a clean CBI background check so readers can see what one looks like.

I also mentioned that you can use a private company to do a more detailed search as the CBI site only provides information re arrests and convictions.   One company I suggested allows  you to do multiple searches should you have more than one person you want to check out.   Checkmate charges more, but provides a more comprehensive check for your money.  Go here to look at Checkmate’s prices.

Back to the question, the who and when of a search?  Because Google is so limited in the area of accuracy, there are times we need to know the truth about a person.  As a parent, it’s my perspective that a background check is a reasonable thing to do on any person who may have the opportunity to be alone with my child (or who may have the opportunity to develop a “trusting” relationship with a child).  Again, you can be confident that employees of schools, daycare etc have run checks.  But do they do so on an ongoing basis, or just upon the time of employment.  Call and ask! Coaches, tutors, music teachers and the like?  Ask the organization who employs them about their background check policy.  If they work for themselves…do one yourself! It’s simple, easy and gives you peace of mind.

Bill Strong Denver

Here is my webpage:  Bill Strong Denver Strong Solutions

William Strong, LCSW

Please go here for: Counseling ideas for Children and Families

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Background Checks Can Prevent Future Problems

Hi All,

Bill Strong Denver Therapist here.

I’ve recently been involved as a therapist in helping child who was hurt by an adult.  It’s possible that this situation could have been prevented through the use of a background check.  I’m asking my clients and readers to become aware of when a background check is a good idea, and how to run one.  It’s easy and inexpensive.

Many of us use Google to find out information about a person, company or event.  Some of the information is helpful, and some of it is very questionable.  It’s true that you don’t want to believe everything you read on the Internet.  Whether it’s a restaurant using a customer review format to “stack” positive results about their food, or a person with an axe to grind about their former doctor (relator, lawyer, ex), people and companies can use consumer reviews, micro-sites and anonymous blogs to post anything they want without truthfulness or accuracy being a factor.  In fact, Google is open that their policy is that “truth and accuracy” isn’t a consideration in their listings.  It’s prudent to search for information about individuals and companies, but be skeptical about what you read online as it’s easy to make an anonymous post or review without being honest.  What kind of person uses an anonymous blog to write negative comments about a company or person?  If it sounds overly fantastic, outrageously awful, or flat out crazy, it’s likely a lie.

Background checks on the other hand are another thing entirely as their accuracy can be considered solid.  They are factual.   If you have children that you’re leaving in the care of someone else, it makes sense to insure that a background check has been completed.  Most schools and day-care facilities do this as a condition of employment.  You’ll want to ask at enrollment if complete background checks are done at the time of employment and periodically for all the personnel in contact with the population.

If you’re using an unlicensed day-care or some other adult to watch your children, doing your own background check is a fairly simple and inexpensive process.  Again a Google search might provide helpful information, or you might read some positive review that was written by the daycare’s owner, or an attack by an angry parent who’s child was expelled for behavior problems.  One option is to go to your state’s site for a records check.  Here in Colorado we go here for background checks.   For $6.95 you can do a records check on any individual.  It’s quick and reliable.  You’ll quickly find out about any convictions, arrests, or DUI’s etc.

In order to post a sample of a clean record check, I ran my own name.  Below is what a clean record looks like.

 

A result with arrests or convictions would site each incident with a case number.  A clean record is what you’re looking for if you’re going to trust your child in the care of another adult.

More detailed information can be done by using private companies for your search.  As you might guess, doing so is more expensive.  There are various companies, but they all use the same general data bases, so shop around for the best deal.   Checkmate is a good company that provides a lot of information in it’s search.  Go here to look at Checkmate.   When you do a search for “Joe Smith”, Checkmate will provide a long list of individuals with that name in you search area.   You then click on your match and go from there.  You learn about any past criminal history or arrests, as well as other general information.  Below is the criminal history page of a search I did on myself, and this is what a clean record looks like.

As you can see, there is a section where any legal problems will be listed.  This site costs more, but it is very detailed.

Whether it’s someone you’re trusting with your child, house sitting, a potential employee for your small business, or a date/new friendship…why not look into who they are and what their history is?  Again, most companies use some type of service, so I’m not suggesting that you do this for everyone who’s in contact with you or your child.  On the other hand, there are times when this type of information can prevent future problems.

Bill Strong Denver Therapist

Here is my webpage:  Bill Strong Denver Strong Solutions

William Strong, LCSW

Please go here for: Counseling ideas for Children and Families

 

 

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